TatsuyaKuroda

..sooooo hey
as I tried to promote before: I have tumblr too! 
so far I have had two tumblr blogs.
the main one, for fandom stuff, funny stuff, serious stuff and the usual stuff I draw
then there's the "art blog" where I reblog and/or upload my art to collect it there.
now these two blogs got a little sibling: the nsfw art blog! yay hooray. this will be the place where I will upload reeaally gory/porny stuff, to keep the other two blogs clean. beware of that one, it might get a bit dark. but therefore my other blogs stay happy, safe, only a little bit bloody spaces!

just in case you're interested, the links are here
main blog
art blog
nsfw art blog

I haven't written a journal in a while and I thought maybe I should update you guys a little? I've been getting new watchers recently (although I don't exactly know why) and want to say hi. Hi guys I hope you have a nice day.

Only uploading OCs, as I have been doing a lot in the past weeks, is usually not my thing and I don't know why exactly that happened to be honest. Coming up with storylines and characters is definitely nto one of my strengths. I would go back to my usual fan art stuff, but no fandom is exactly motivating me enough to draw at the moment. I'm just kinda sitting here, staring blankly and feeling bored by drawing and the results. Hopefull my motiation will be back soon. Additionally, my wrist has been giving me pain a lot, which makes drawing and writing and such a bit difficult. 

Mostly you didn't know, but I'm currently working in a voluntary social year. That is a really stressful thing, since I work 40 hours a week. It barely leaves any time during weekdays to be creative or watch stuff and eats all my passion. If I'm honest, I can't wait for it to be over. 4 more months to go... there has been a lot of interpersonal trouble between my boss(es)/coworker(s) and me, pushing my mood down. Several mental breakdowns and lots of crying included. I keep finding myself spiraling in negative thoughts and self-loathing which leads to pitying myself which leads to even more self-loathing because holy fuck have i become a whiny needy bitch lately 
a lot of coping-art I'm making I won't upload on here, although I'm sure some people are interested in gory art too.
my sense of self and self esteem basically evaporated too but I guess that's my workplace's fault. on the other hand I also wanna hide somewhere because I think I look how I feel: disgusting. but there's a coworker that compliments me on my outfit sometimes, so I basically put effort in wearing presentable clothes just so she approves of it. that' a strange concept but at least it works.
please don't worry about me though- I got this. somehow. it's not nice but I'll get through it. 

the issue I have with sounds got worse too. if I could I would constantly wear oropax just to keep the sounds out some people make.. e.e

spring has arrived here too. it's nice because it stays light outside longer and the sun is shining more, yet I fear it getting hot already. oh and also: allergies. I've had 6 nosebleeds in the past 4 days, that's a record!

hey guys, I'm alive.
to keep myself safe from the onrolling art block, I decided to join the October challenges, mainly Goretober and Inktober.
the goal is to draw one drawing according to a certain topic each day/ to do lots of stuff in ink.
I might upload some stuff from the challenges, in case I can keep it up.
All drawings/sketches can be found on my tumblr   a-lex-ithymia.tumblr.com/ , or on my art dump blog  tatsuyakuroda.tumblr.com/

enjoy the cold weather, peeps

motherfucking Mira-chii tagged me to do this for Ayumu. I hate you, you know that, ...

1: What’s your OCs favorite color? - dark red, like wine (or blood i u like)
2: Where does your OC work? - I swear he asks himself this question a lot. he has no idea how to answer. he might shrug and say "saving people, hunting things" while trying to be cool
3: What’s your OCs favorite food? - everything salty
4: Does your OC prefer paper or plastic? - paper, since it can be turned into a weapon when things go bad (paper cuts can be bitches)
5: How old is your OC? - 16 ((WHY DID I MAKE HIM SO YOUNG)
6: Does your OC have any supernatural powers? - surviving chronic insomnia for 4 years straight?
7: Is your OC in a relationship? - ....no
8: What are some of your OCs strengths? - he's a good dancer, but sshhh. he gives good advice, and knows some martial art things
9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses? - being too shy occasionally, he's also really scared of the dark/sleeping in the dark
10: What is your OCs favorite outfit? - everything in the combo red and black
11: What animal does your OC relate to? - red panda
12: Is your OC sexually active? - as much as you can expect from a 16 y-o kid
13: What is your OCs earliest memory? - holding his baby sister in his arms shortly after she was born
14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind? - I hate to admit that but he'd so be the iPhone type, maybe an iPhone 6 even. He doesn't use it much though 
15: What makes your OC angry? - when people are rude or hurt animals. also, sexism. that gets him real mad
16: When is your OCs favorite time of year? - autumn, middle of september, when it's chilly but comfy without a thick jacket
17: How long can your OC hold their breath? - about 2 minutes
18: What kind of underwear does your OC wear? - really simple boxers 
19: Does your OC prefer plaid or polka dots? - plaiiid
20: What’s your OCs favorite kind of pizza? - margarita 
21: Who is your OCs best friend? - if you ask him, he doesn't have any. he doesn't trust people that far, but he likes Tamotsu and Takumi 
22: Has your OC ever killed someone? - no, but he wishes he had
23: Whats your OCs biggest secret? - that he has a crush (sshh)
24: What does your OC smell like? - chai tea 
25: What time of year does your OC prefer? - hahahaha question inconsistency
26: Is your OC a human or an animal? (or something else idk) - human
27: What languages does your OC speak?- Indian English, Hindi (hasn't used that in a while though) and some intermediate Japanese
28: Does your OC like anime? - pretty sure he has never seen any
29: Can your OC swim? - yes, but not so well, he swims like a puppy. can't keep his legs up
30: What does your OC choose to do about the, er, hair down there? - ... srsly? neatly trimmed
31: Does your OC believe in fairies? - no
32: Did your OC go to college? What did they major in? - he went to school up to 5th grade
33: Are your OCs parents dead? - he's trying to find that out
34: Is your OC religious? - not really but he likes Ganesha a lot. also he likes the idea of Shintoism
35: How flexible is your OC? - very. he has no troubles doing a stoop vault without warming up
36: What turns your OC on? - that depends. he likes when people are tall, and know what they want. otherwise, he likes the usual vanilla stuff
37: What was your OCs first word? - "ammi" (=mom)
38: Does your OC have any pets? - he had a mutt as a kid 
39: Who is your OCs biggest enemy? -...i really dont know
40: What is the craziest thing your OC has done? - told people he was a hitman to get information
41: What is your OCs motto about life? - "If faith in ourselves had been more extensively taught and practiced, I am sure a very large portion of the evils and miseries that we have would have vanished." (-Swami Vivekananda)
42: Does your OC drink coffee or tea? - tea
43: Who is your OCs biggest hero? - Iron Man!
44: What color eyes does your OC have? - black/daaark brown
45: Does your OC like reading? - he DOES
46: Is your OC loyal? - he is. very.
47: Does your OC tolerate violence? - not against children, animals, the elderly or innocent people. if the person did something bad...well, then yes.
48: What social class is your OC from? - his family was poor and tried to escape poverty by travelling to find jobs
49: What country was your OC born in? - India
50: Does your OC cry easily? - yes, and he hates himself for it
51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music? - all kinds of folk, of course also the occasional punk rock (thinking of Die Ärzte here, although it's completely senseless)
52: How does your OC feel about insects? - if you're really hungry, you eat everything. insects are proteins too
53: What is your OCs sexual orientation? - bisexual
54: Does your OC smoke? - no
55: What gender is your OC? - male
56: What kind of clothes does your OC wear? .... person who wrote this meme didnt have great memory, huh
57: Would you call your OC adventurous? - depends, sometimes yeah
58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted? - introverted, tries his best not to be though
59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC? - the bags under the eyes maybe? idk
60: Does your OC enjoy nature? - YES

I just returned from my kind-of short vacation to Barcelona, Spain. The trip was amazing, my friends and I saw a few cool things, got pretty nice sunburns and spent lots of money. We walked a lot (in the flattest, smallest shoes because of the heat an ice-core person as me is not used to at all) and my feet, knees and hips still hurt awfully. But what I actually want to write about is not the beautiful vacation I had, but the sad feeling that seems to linger after every trip I take.

Like, imagine it:you've been together with 3 onderful people for the past week, sharing every second with them except the toiletry-stuff. Even if there's not always chatter, there's company. Then you come home, to a two-story house that's too large for two people and a cat. But neither the cat nor the other person is there and you're just all alone. It's quiet, tidy and cold. Nobody to talk to, not even the online people you want to tell about your vacation answer, and you just sit there. In front of your laptop. Not knowing what to do.
You just bought a pretty dress for 85 euros, but what for? Nobody cares anyways. You don't even look pretty in that dress, because you gained weigth lately and simply feel grosed out by just thinking about your looks. You spent nearly all the money you saved up the past 6 months for this holiday- it was your holiday to celebrate your graduation. It was a marvellous time, but your life in itself is just so senseless and stupid, and nobody cares. 

I get back to Germany to see that same-sex-marriage (I utterly refuse to call it 'gay marriage') is legal in all 50 US-states. What a great day for the USA! So of course, Tumblr celebrates with lotsa sweet phoos of happily new married couples crying in joy. I feel happy for those people, and I feel like crying too- once, for the big LGBTQ* rainbow which even reaches Texas, and second because I want to have someone to be happy about this with, too. I'm a spoiled brat when it comes to relationships, kinda have never been single the past 4 years. But right now.. it's just me and my laptop and I am fucking lonely. Wow, there we go, I said it.

now you can go and bitch all over me for being in a not-happy mood on such a great day (which isn't even a great day for peopel NOT from the USA. our motherfucking Chancellor doesn't like same-sex-marriage and adoptive rights because 'of the children'. She doesn't even have one herself. Fuck you Angela Merkel, bye

Ill be alone when I wake up tomorrow. Sure, I'll wake up in my own bed, at home, where I feel safe and comfortable. And I will feel alone and even (beware of a mighty word I'm swinging now, I apologize) unloved, because it just seems as if nobody cares. Deep down I know that some few actually care- like the people I just said goodbye to, whom I went to Barcelona with. But I'll sit in my bed and wonder anyways if it mattered at all whether I get up or not move at all. Without having to go to school anymore and without waiting for the Barcelona-trip to come, my whole existence is completely purposeless right now. I know this will change, but just right now, it feels like shit and I hate it.
I hate that I'm complaining, but I had to get this out.